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Everywhere Seems To Be A Masquerade

Late night blurs vs. the clarity of morning light. Never too sure who is gonna show up or who's gonna (not)call in sick.

New years. The last few have been worse than the previous. Like a parade of dreams breaking and marching out of my life, trampling one another.

Sleeping in between cities. I'm up to the hips with dreams. It's their smiles and clinking drinks at cocktail hour, but its always me at this time of night.

Hips pressed close to mine – true blue. The way they talk about you isn't even close. Honestly though, I'm vacant baby, and I'm checking out. Kiss me electric. Leave my best days in memories, and my best lines closed tight in books.

New York transit love affair. The veins going underneath the streets that feel so foreign yet endearing. It's not charm, I just don't get it. Trust me (but not really). Couch living (dead) has me hanging onto phone lines. I'm not making sense and my throat is sore. Maybe at least you know I mean it.

There is a breadcrumb trail of melancholy that leads back up to my bed or maybe out of your third floor window, depending on who is following it.

In the beginning I was only planning on holding on to you and using you recreationally, but then I started needing you at nights and then all of the time. The not remembering is what gets to me the worst.

Look Alive Kid

The smell of perfume and stale cigarette smoke is still on my hoody. I can't keep my nose from it. I cross my fingers and hope you keep making an exception for me. I'm like a fix that you need, so save me for when you're broken. All of these hushed "I need yous" are heard by everyone else.

Fiction tastes just like you sometimes. So real. Bitter regrets, predictable forfeits. I see us in between the following quotes. "Better in the long run" always means sleeping alone.

I'll take responsibility for my words, but the intentions behind them just might mean so much more.

Brush your finger tips on my eyelids. Promise you'll wake me when it's time.

This Scripted Life

None of this is real anymore. We're all just exaggerating for their pleasure. The truth is all too useless.

Do you ever feel like you've been left behind, and that the enemy is just over the next hill? Sometimes it's ok to burrow deep. That's usually where you end up finding out who you really are. When I rise from this bunker I plan on laying down some massive cover for all of you to escape. I'll stay here through my last clip, if it means you're better off.

Her heart is an intercepted package that was meant for me, and I'm missing what I'll never have.

We were all wrong about me this year.

Tequila Mockingbird

Whiteout conditions, but it doesn't really matter. There is nothing to see here anyway. All I want for Christmas is my family back again. I just want the four of us together. In the mean time, (for)give and (mis)take at your leisure.

Shook down and left lonely for the holidays. Even the look in complete strangers eyes tell me that I've been no damn good this year.

No word from the east coast for awhile. Midwest hearts are heavy. Now I'm locked in a stare-down with my phone and penned in on all sides.

Your habits are more confusing than the tread from the tire tracks that are intersecting our body language. It's cutting us like the fresh snow. Here's to your heart. Here's to your name. Heres to laying low.

My Plane Didn't Crash This Time Either

From a dingy bar on the lower west side. The subway rumbling beneath is a reminder to keep things moving.

Most of my strength comes in the form of an avalanche, late night heartache and new friends... These streets breed them both.

Threw some back with a gem, while exchanging literary heroes until sunrise. Refreshing seems to cover it all.

Airport security isn't going to allow me to check these bags under my eyes.

I check my cellphone before the alarm clock on mornings like this.

You're Just A Crime Scene

Through these eyes of disbelief I have mastered the art of the dead-pan stare... in and out of focus.

Proceed as planned. Expose the fuse and strike the match. Let everything burn, leave nothing behind.

Escape routes in the form of runways. The engines are running and we have clearance from the tower. No one is going home tonight.

Crawled in bed with my truest comfort. I'd stay behind for you.

Happy Hour Heroes

We've got a way with the world that makes the drinks wild in the afternoon. I promise to take the blame for us both as long as you'll guide me home. I heart the way that we've become like ghosts in photographs. Developed.

My home is a lonely box that holds me back, and you understand that just enough to keep me away.

We write contracts on napkins and make big plans.

Heartbeat Symphonies

Winter in NY is calling. I crave chapped lips, Midtown mornings, and Village nights.

I was back and forth until they pulled me forward and now NYC is only a few days away. We are the newest products of this 21st century. Responsive, and irresponsible.

Go ahead and write the labels on our wrists, and make sure to tie a tag around our necks. We'll cost you more than you can take. I'm sure I remember warning you that I'm more than a hand full. We are like the fog... only mist/missed when gone.

Everyone will run when you lose your decoration. Nobody really likes what's underneath, but the true ones will come through... just as they have for me lately.

Once again, cans of red paint are lined up to paint the town. A December to remember is falling into place.

BeastsOfEast11th AngelsAndKings

Sunday Morning Sleepovers

Always up or down, never down and out... unless I'm in the mood for it.

Starting to realize that there is no use in nervousness. If you're worried about making a fool of yourself then don't think about it. Honestly, the people that matter don't care and the people that care don't matter.

Don't just save yourself when you could save them all.

My life is holding this gun to our heads.

If you'll Be My Saint, I'll Be Your Sin

I'm not like you. I don't have the luxury of being recharged. I long for a lithium heart.

I guess the truth is that I'm scared to death that I'm going to die in my sleep. I don't know if anyone will ever get any of this. My whole existence is being spent in an upright coma. Even without the medicine, I still feel it all. I don't have to be awake to be aware... Just as a blind man can still sense another person in the room, I can feel thier lack of understanding.

I want the wild fucking west. I want to place love in handcuffs, and to earn a lot more scars.

If I was in charge the first rule would be to never sleep. The second would be to write without thinking it through. Read it aloud and see if it's really about you.

This time of year makes me want to call up every contact in my phone just to tell them I'm sorry for how everything turned out. Behind every breath hides a word that is waiting for it's chance to be spoken... Hoping to make the difference.

I'm in love with the way we destroy our way through the afternoons.

Seeking Safe Landings On Sharp Objects

What made you think that I couldn't find the door in the morning, when I found that bed so easily in the dark?

Been practicing my "I'm better off alone" face in the mirror lately. I almost have it down.

Curse is just another word for forever. My name is just another word for regret.

I Want To Be Your Grand Finale

I'll repeat: when I said I'd return to you I meant it more like a relapse.

It's not death I fear, it's the funeral. There is nothing worse than being locked inside here just to have everyone chalk this up to a chemical.

I see the dollar signs in their eyes when we hang. I'm just a hall pass to them. But the halls are empty and need company. Truth is, we are all just waiting for the bell to ring so we can go home. I just lack direction.

Got another writing credit on something you'll hear this Spring. Get ready for The Cab. They're our next great ride into '08.

Intertwined friends and Sunday morning smirks are my new favorite thing. It's not quite romance just yet, but it will do.

cruciFIXED

Came out of boredom and woke up to a mess. The only ring I want buried with me is the one around these eyes. Baby blues mixed with bloodshot red. Stared at them in the rear view the entire drive home this a.m. Thanks to my ambulance at the bottom of the cliff. I'm not afraid to jump anymore.

Got a place on Bedford in NYC that doubles for my heart. I can't wait to breathe the concrete again.

Out Of This Life They Called Nothing

Our hips collided where honesty lies.

Just enough poison to match the blood. Fight the clock Ryan, and that same bad dream until your knuckles turn purple. The greatest feeling will come on the last play, when you're out of breath and on your back. Victory is so much more than a chant. Just out live mom and dad and then let it all go.

Bet it all on something that has no time frame... then spread yourself across three time zones.

If you're a battery you're either working or dead.

For a moment, I was pretty sure that I caught your eye. We have the same stare at times, and I'm more than sure the intentions behind our eyelids match.

Please catch me if you can, and then return to sender. Home is nothing more than fiction, and pillows only slow us down.

Hijacking all speakers in your favorite local bar, for the fun of it and a fresh breath. I'm a gutter kid... In love with the have-nots. Dirt, bruises, and scruff. It's all I know of a home.

My face shows each emotion. Grimace to smile.

Look in these eyes and say it once more. Everyone shakes to your rhythm with a barrel down their throat.

Promise me one thing... leave Hook to me.

SheOffendsReason

My Regrets Are Obese

Her eyelashes fluttered open as she came to the realization that all of the sins that her mouth had said were only the beginning. Rather than face the rest of us, she just lies in her bed pretending to be okay. In the meantime, I'm a red eye flight away from being complete.

With a hymn and a secret hid, I've packed once again. Above the selfishness... Beneath a broken heart.

I'm alone with the lights of the avenue. There is a kid who bangs a drum on the corner, and I'm walking to the time.

Happy Solid Days

It's not that I'm self destructing. It's just that this thing didn't come with an option for auto pilot, and the control tower is down.

The pleasure, the afterthought, the missing tombstone placed where our hearts first buried themselves under the sheets. This is us. We are unmade, like the bed we share.

YourBreathOnMyNeckInTheAM

You're My Secret Weapon

I'm never sleeping again. I swear it this time. I forget everything that's inside me, but it all feels just so right. There is an art to the blur. It's where I feel at home. Like Cody in the undertow. Drowning anything, everything, anyone, and everyone in my way. Chlorine makes it a clean escape.

I have NY in my veins for the rest of the year. In and out of town from here on out. The young and the jet set. Madison square to Times square to 2008. Join us won't you.

Goodnight Moon

Chewed a stick of expectation and hid it under my shoe yesterday. Threw boulders at your window because I ran out of pebbles.

I miss the spaces in between, and I hate the emptiness of everything. We say but never mean (it).

This may sound like gibberish to you, but I think I'm in a tragedy. She asked to borrow my heart. I told her she could, but only if she promised not to capture the pieces, and to just play for checkmate.

The Birth Of Boardner The Buffalo

Sitting with drink in hand, in the very stool where Elizabeth enjoyed herself just before stumbling into her own legend... becoming the Black Dahlia.

She's my west coast Dylan Thomas. Here we all are... the anti-glam. Its ok to fail here. Nothing will be reported, yet these walls will stand long after our best mistakes.

This is the kind of bar that spawns themes.

I can learn everything about you in the time that it takes for your eyes to adjust to the gloom. It feels the same here. My Hollywood home. Off the map of the living.

My elbow is up for Charles Bukowski. I hear we have more in common than just this seat at the bar.

Threw safety to the wind but secretly tied a string and used it as a kite. Now it's all tangled in the skyline.

I'm in love with foreigners and the way they treat me. I've got a lucky arrowhead in my wallet from a new far away friend.

I can't wait to see my four-legged best friend tomorrow. Home is where your dog is.

My Heart Will Swallow You Whole

Can't keep my nails clean in this town and my entire itinerary has become a name drop.

Had vegetarian buffalo wings but only by accident. Mush wrapped around artificial bones. Just like half of the people in this town.

Using the bar for rest and a pat on the back. Go get em kid.. Before they get you. This has become more of a race against myself than anything else.

Sorry for this lousy to(w)ne. I'm just missing my dog the way Rick missed Ilsa.

The 101 is an IV in my veins. Waiting for a blood rush to your parking lot. Nobody's ever going to get us... nobody's ever going to get us. I'm the magician and you are the trap door I'll never reveal.

Left Coast Insomniac

The only sunset around here is a boulevard. Days into nights into blurs. Counting on myself while you're counting sheep. A kiss goodnight. Forget the front door. I'm more of the under-the-lamp-post kind of guy.

This year has been put to music. Next time your head bounces and your heart skips a beat, you'll know where I've been. Remixed and ready.

Click, Click, Flash, Flash...

I Got The Red Carpet Blues Baby

Just look ok. You have your whole life to get normal. Hazy afternoons have me finally laughing again. The sincerity between us makes it ok to get out of bed on the bad ones.

Feeling like Indiana Jones minus the hat and good looks. Ready for adventure and the other coast. Training eyes to look beyond, not behind.

From this airplane window, life is nothing more than a canyon, jumping off of the cliff is the hardest part. Let's get alive together.

There is a spark of greatness inside each of my close friends and I. We've taken it upon ourselves to blow on it and guard it. Feeding it ideas like dry wood, just to watch it burn. The original spotlight, the initial flash of the camera, it's all just a result of flint meeting steel. I'll be the former if you'll be the latter.

We're just making circles on a piece of debris near a Sun. None of this is unique. Lately I've just been wanting to tear the pause button off of every electronic device I see.

I'm sure there was a fleeting moment when Neil Armstrong found himself contemplating staying behind on the moon and letting the air run out. That's mostly how I feel when we go our separate ways.

Catching the corner of your eyelids just before we close the door. Last glimpses mean so much more on the opposite sides of walls.

Everyone should read Kerouac and cross the country at least once. For me it has become a fall-time ritual. Truth is, I've only been saving myself.

CLT-ATL-LAX all of these thoughts won't fit on the back of this delta airlines ticket. We're the ruins of tomorrow. Forever a monument to what should be.

Cleaning House

Graduated early, while you were at the playground under the trees. The birds whispered in my ear, letting me know that you were nothing more than bad timing.

I've returned to this side of the heart in the sand.... Where I've got a sunrise in my veins. I live for misplaced nights, and crashing hips. Best kept secrets and such.

The laugh I used to live for has become nails on a chalkboard. I'm all out of ink for you. You've become the lull. You're so last year... And a poor actress at that. Box office disasters in the form of someone I used to know. LA is for the heartless. I think our tickets were switched.

Whoever dubbed LA the city of angels must have forgot to use spell check. I'm certain they meant angles.

As the drinks pour I find that its taking less to let you go. Soon you'll be another sobering thought that sparks absolutely nothing within me.

Mr. E and Ms. Fortune

I just keep putting to paper the life that you're teaching me to live. Absinthe in the afternoons, latch-key hearts by night. Lost and found. Phones and friends. I use her like a getaway car. Just drive.

Someone whispered "make yourself" in my ear once, and it made everything feel ok again. I love being stolen away from all of this.

Flip the pages. View my life. Dog-ear the best parts and highlight the worst. Publish me behind a glossy cover because this is the only place where anything goes.

She is the kind they cut off ears for and start wars over.

SpreadLoveLikeViolence

I Will Race You Standing Still

I'd drive all night, or fly anywhere, just to be on your side. Us against them forever. Its ok to be scared. Even Jesus flinched.

You leave such a sweet taste in my mouth. If love was enough I'd wrap it around you just for decoration.

I have no one left to run to either. Sleep well. Tomorrow has us written all over it.

I've got a new years resolution that includes your happiness. Meet me on the corner of 49th and Broadway.

I Count In Steps, The Distance To You

She's the comet on the other end of my telescope. She is my satellite, and it's so much easier when we are far away. Don't get to close, just circle back around tonight and we'll collide in silence. And when the sun comes up again we can separate as if nothing happens between us.

This is the hundredth time that I've written for you, because I've thrown 99 away. Don't look now, but here comes the rest of our lives.

Hayley

I'm dying not to hurt you. I've left directions on your windshield to our happiness, it's half off if you bring a four-legged friend or two. I heart the way that you make it ok to feel "on" empty. A reserve tank for the lost, as heavy as the sky can hold.

Two bodies lying in the grass behind the church, frozen late night. We were just trying to steal away body heat from each other as we huddled closer together. Our limbs intertwined like slender tree branches, beneath the fall skyline.

The constellations seemed to swirl and change as we lay perfectly still. Try to pretend that the galaxy didn't revolve around us at that moment. Last night is the frame of reference for my infinity.

AllWeKnowIsFalling

Pennies From Heaven

Fell asleep waiting for inspiration to come home. Woke up the next morning with her head on my lap.

I'm burning all of the remaining good will that I had towards you, and praying that the smoke will fill your eyes just long enough to wet them. At least then I could pretend that you have any emotion left.

Lowered fresh roses and my innocence into the ground without you. I'm now wide awake and aware of where your heart is. Selfish heartbeats don't resonate. Possession is nine tenths of the law. I'll see you in court for my heart.

MostlyLiterally

October Spawned A Monster

From this window you would see the sun, while I'd only point out the burning.

Airports as a means to closure. Up and down... 30,000 feet feels so much better than we ever did. What we had was a novelty. Forever my mistake.

Write back to where we started from and put it in the mail. I've left no forwarding address. I needed you to hold my hand this week but you only offered a fist. It's as if you went to war and forgot to come back home(with me). I'll bury all of this on my own. Besides, life has never been a true companion either.

Fell in bed. Fell in love. Pressed my nose against the glass of her shower door and peered out at the rest of the world and felt ok again.

The things that broke me down a year ago are just a shrug now. If you really knew the things between me and her, it would set off a chemical reaction between your heart and lungs. It would pit countries of lust against one another.

Even Shakespeare would encrypt this love story.

The only thing that pulls me through is the fact that this is real. Even when your head is spinning and your heart is still fluttering... I'm on the inside. Let's blow out their candles and steal their wishes.

"fairytales don't always have a happy ending..."

Marshmellow Hearts In Your Cereal

Thin morning fingertips skim over the nights dry lips for a trace of last kisses. It's more than a vow of secrecy. I felt so alone as I memorized every fold and wrinkle in the sheets where we slept next to each other. We both know that lips mean so much more than the follow through.

My head is where your wishes go when they fall short of being granted. So please take it easy on me and be careful what you wish for from here on out.

"Isn't it messed up, how I'm just dying to be him?"

I just want to be near the stars in your eyes.

Let's Go On A Livin' Spree

I'ma get on this TV momma... Pirouette next to a baby grand piano. Please send all of my troubles in reverse.

Notes on being authentic: The eyes have it but the knife still has my back.

I haven't figured out this graceful aging thing so well just yet and for that I'm sorry babe. My heart is beyond clumsy... but I love you in a holding your hair back kind of way.

I just want to dip my toes into death to see if it's a warm bath.

A Modern Day Buster Casey

There are hundreds of ways to escape a soul-less life. Airplanes, bottles, a note of farewell. As the clock spins, so does the room. Find yourself somewhere in the balance and come back to life for me. I've become so obsessed with resuscitation's that I manipulate my lungs with thoughts of you. I have every muscle in my body working overtime just so that my heart has a friend.

Just because I know how to make your makeup run doesn't mean I'm going to. Say so long to salvation. The head behind this heart, behind this pen, is making noise to break the silence.... just to watch arteries spill love onto my hands... that I'll use to finger paint this town red.

The Kansas City Howl

Nolita fairy tales for all to hear. Nothing compares to a Midwest thunderstorm. It's enough to rattle foundations and that little thing beating in your chest.

Everything about this place is a dream sequence to me. But they still call it home so I try as hard as I can to bat at the blurry, fog-like film that guards my vision to make myself worthwhile to them.

I dressed in black and red today, but only to support my team. Me and old Chuck Palahniuk... reading and writing ourselves til' death. A year ago just took my breath away. I want to write it all like I used to.

MyNameIsAFourLetterWord

I Love The Way You Have With Me

How I've been feeling is sunsets everywhere. And there is only one set of eyes that could turn me right around. I just want to get home to them. Even if they're pre-occupied. I just want to make you dizzy and to give you headaches. I want to be a part of what you need to get by.

We're just like a movie based on a book... almost, but not quite as good.

I feel shut out in the cold when we're apart... in my head only.... like it's dark and my eyes have not adjusted yet.

Everything we do is watched and recorded, so lets try finding some new exits and new ways to time it all out. Let's give them something real this fall.

Titles Are For Tombstones

This place will forever be my losing streak. Goodbyes in the form of "remember whens."

"What should be's" and "should have beens"... That's what is running through my veins today.

I'm pretty sure that you'll pass me at 30,000 feet. It could have been the steam on the bathroom mirror, but I'm pretty sure I caught a glimpse of you being measured for you're wings.

I can't write this feeling away.

Glamour Kills

Learning so much about commitment, that it has me flying solo. If hearts were the homeless they'd still sleep under newspapers that bare our headlines. They might appreciate them more though.

Every street corner is the same.. Just another chance to ask for direction.

Main street USA left me open.

Rumors, stories, covers. They're all beyond my concern. I'm just clawing my way towards something thats better than this.

Theres so much irony in the fact that when its all gone I'll inherit it all. I'd trade everything for one more shot from the start. I'm just the remains of a 2 for 1 deal gone bad.

I'm afraid of headlines and the way they falsely strip me of everything without notice. I just crave my pillow and your company.

I can't even connect with the Internet, yet alone with my heart. This is all written on cardboard paper that was supposed to teach me how to access the outside world, yet its all I have to capture this.

Your were nothing more than a prize fighter last night. The promoter has your check so just take the fall and collect. I never laced up my gloves anyway.

Designer Drugs And Designer Friends

I love girls with Brooklyn haircuts. I'll be their fan club. Stick around and see how it ends. I doubt that you will ever be that good-for-nothing friend that I crave.

You've gotta pay your way back into this heart. I'm not putting you on the list or calling ahead. Opposite sides of the velvet rope in my chest.

Honey, I'm old news. That's why I need new jokes and have unlisted friends. You're doing this for you. Egotistical eclipse... that's what we've all become. We are too fast for love.

Success has its price...are you hearing this? I'm dumbing myself down to fill you with doubt. I know it's just a game, but I'm playing it to win. Someone saved me from the sound of my own voice this afternoon. Can't you tell that they're all dying? If the world is ending, I'm throwing the party. You'll get it soon enough.

Vas a ver que yo te guardo.

ICameHereToMakeYouDanceTonight

We're All Just Trying To Out-Live Our Parents

I'm certain that I didn't shoot the President... but for some reason I'm being treated as if I did. Sure, I'm willing to play along... In fact, it's brought me to the realization that I have friends that are much deeper than any pocket you've drawn upon. Money changes everything around me. I've worn both jerseys.... and I still pray to never be traded. It's cute... the way that you have allowed numbers to define your success.

I'm watching my heart dig it's own grave. Clogging it's very arteries. A race horse that is worth more as feed. Thanks for the Derby, but you'll mean more in print.

I meant every word that I cried into my pillow last month. And I know how great it makes you feel to share them with everyone.

I'm leaving now to share a mattress with your biggest regret of all.

WhatNow

"It's Only A Paper Moon"

I finally turned the corner, and you know how I like to write it down. I need something more than a "magic" mark(h)er for this entry. I'm beyond tired of people rubbing off... I need something permanent... besides I bought you some flowers too, but they died on the way.

Pressed my face up against the glass in the shower of her bedroom this afternoon, and peered out at the world through the smear my nose made. I knew immediately that it was going to be better for everyone involved if you would just soak yourself in whatever it is that's getting you by/off, and if you would just extinguish our flame with the same liquid. (run on sentences = you mean it more)

My next great novel is my escape from this. I haven't felt this alive in months. Superman without his cape and such. Lighter shoulders. I'll write it better than we ever felt it. Who knows.... maybe you'll make the charts again next Spring.

This is not a social experiment, these shoulders pinned down with pinpoint accuracy. I'm only here for the transitions. James Dean without the looks... that's how I'm living. I've met soMEbody too.

Now if you could kindly point my headlights towards the lamp post to wrap my loneliness around, I'll gladly be on my way.

Today the world spins, but for all the wrong reasons. Woke up to find the clover leafless. You we're the north, and my heart was the compass. You had a magnetic pull that was all your own.

My life continues to be a succession of people saying goodbye. Somewhere in NY publisher's are rejoicing.

ImAlwaysHereForYou

I Want To Keep You Under My Pillow And Out Of My Head

It's not that she is detached, it's just that she is not attached to me. I sent her white roses to represent the heart before it bled apart. I look better drowning anyway. It's my fate.

For now you're smile is just a magnet glued to the refrigerator door. A constant reminder that the path of self-destruction was a circle. I'll hang up before you tell me you won't be back, and disconnect in case you never call again.

Animate our words and skip to 'goodbye.'

I Don't Want To Be A Visitor Anymore

My best friend is lethargic today, laying in the sunlight that fills our condo. It's probably due to the the new toy that we gave him last night, it's insides are having it out with his. There's a price on everything nowadays, even happiness.

It's the time of the year where everyone is blue and alone. I say we flip the page on the calender and come back to life for each other. You in?

WorldWise

Backseat Sleeper

The light that is falling through the blinds and onto my face doesn't really feel like it's seeping through the bars of a prison anymore.... but I'm still convinced that this bedroom is a cage. I can't breathe in here. I feel like an animal... only an animal has memories without understanding. I understand very well that it's possible to never touch those shafts of light outside of the cage. It's what keeps me awake.

I can make anything into a cage. A heart. A head. A city. A friendship. I collect things and people and ideas. I keep them from the cold. I am the sun, only sometimes even the sun catches a wink behind the clouds.

Signs of life. I'm chewing this piece of gum of yours that I've saved. Blow bubbles baby... but I know that you love me for more than my alliteration.

Sunday finds me losing pieces of myself on purpose, and rooting against the home team. Fall leads to winter and I'm ready for 30 below... myself.

If it means anything, I spend my time with a bunch of people who ignore the vibrant sky and just look for the pot of gold at the end.... except you.

I'm Not Talking About It, I'm Living It

I'm not kidding there, I'm getting there... New Jay-Z has tunneled through my eardrums and into my chest.

Tricking yourself into thinking that you matter enough for someone to remember to forget you... that's the best magic of all. It's fast and hard. I've been saving your 2 cents and they're beginning to add up.

Last night while I was sound asleep I discovered beauty marks on your body and staked my claim. You held my hand when they weren't looking and it jump started my heart into the morning. I only wish I could do that for my loved ones attached to machines. Sometimes I just want to pick up the phone and call anyone to apologize.

I never found Carmen San Diego, or saved the Princess either.

Epilogue Of A Fraudulent Heart

Had another disagreement with myself so I slept on the couch... and despite my inhibitions, I gave moisture to the dead today. Two droplets down my cheeks, while the inner part of me cringed.

I am an unused rock. You are the hesitant wise man. Go ahead and build your house upon me. I'm really just dying to be something solid that will never leave you. Something that is always ok in your head at least. I don't want to sleep alone anymore, and that's more than legs and lips and your head on my pillow.

I've been screaming off my balcony at this sleeping city this afternoon. Do you ever get the feeling that your insides and your outsides don't really go together? Gave a friend tips for his trip to NYC this weekend. It felt more like I was giving him permission to sleep with my girl.

Boomerang Hearts

It's ok to have butterflies in your stomach. Just get them to fly in formation.

Taking ink in a massive dose and watching as blank pages turn black while my hand and head double team my heart.

The inside of my head feels foggy like a London winter, but without all of the class and dignity. Nobody gets how my head feels when I lay sideways on the pillow.

We are becoming who we are meant to be. We are becoming who we were.

Time passes like bottles between thoughts. Letting myself just float.... to just feel ok. Being happy doesn't mean you are unauthentic. Breathing life is alright... in doses you know.

Thank God for all of the reasons that I have to believe... in the form of heartbeats, letters written, and rewritten over again by shaky hands.

They Called Me Stupid, And I Said Dig Deeper

A month away from Chicago. There's a light on. God save the Car Crash Hearts. We're just junkies doing lines of words intravenously. Pulling stars closer just to see your eyes shine brighter. We are the notes you checked the "no" box to.

Give me forever... but put tomorrow on ice because memories are just pain that lost their meaning over time. You don't have to adjust your perspective to lower your expectations... It's funny how a single statement from a stranger stays with you for days, and can be the premature death of that smile you use so rarely.

Sometimes I dream of how the literary world would have changed if Kerouac had a laptop.

One Night Standoff

First words and first steps. Mine were behind closed doors... without credit. It's funny... the way that you can clean yourself up and still be treated as if you are soiled. Right now, I'm the straight line that some keep trying to smudge. Everything to them comes down to the decimal point. My change is just something between the cushions in their eyes.

Sometimes I feel like the new haircut that goes unnoticed... the new shirt that gives you confidence yet only draws ridicule.

Believe me when I say that I've tried to die. My curse is this word "forever" that is written all over me. My failure isn't in the passions that I have, but in my lack of control of them. I've been fighting demons alone and I'm ok with that. I have comebacks for miles.

My grandfather was an artist. He was carving a pair of dolphins out of stone for me when he passed. Although incomplete, it's the most beautiful thing in my life. I can only hope that you'll see me in the same way some day.

"We turned at a dozen paces, for love is a duel, and looked up at each other for the last time." -Jack Kerouac

Dear Tomorrow, This World's Not Big Enough For The Both Of Us

This 12-week old monkey was abandoned by his mother and near death. After being taken to an animal hospital his health began to improve but he seemed spiritless - until he developed a friendship with the white pigeon. The Monkey and the Pigeon. Me and You. Folie a Deux.

FregoliHasNothingOnMe

I Want To Be The Envy In The Pit Of Your Stomach

Reality never sets in when my mind is always dreaming. Is anything tangible anymore? The things I love only exist in voices and still images on the refrigerator.

So far away, electronics hold us together. My mind is at a blank for words... on stand by mode. The architect of hearts has misplaced his brilliant blue prints. All constructive criticism has been put on hold. Hardh(e)a(r)ts required beyond this point.

I'm Your Worst Side. Keep Me To Yourself And Away From Everyone That Matters

Doctors poking arms as I space off in white rooms.

"You're not dead yet. That's just how you feel."

Excuses are just fireworks that never went off... and that never will again. Maybe all of this has only been the medicine talking. Or maybe it's just the only thing I have left in these fingers.

It's all the same as the world spins and I find myself chasing consciousness. I'm somewhere deep inside all of this mess. Just promise to keep chiseling away. Forget the oxygen, pump forgiveness into the darkness.

Motive-ate Me

I'm convinced that my sleep cycle plays hide and seek with time zones. Trap-door eyelids fell asleep on east coast time and woke up somewhere over the Pacific. Back and forth... that's how I'm livin'. From heartbeats to confidence.

The only thing that I'm sure of is that I'm still the same kid sleeping in that same jersey, with high hopes for a better season. K dot C dot. I'm rubbing the scars on my nose and missing you this evening. Nothing compares to the years I spent with my four-legged friend. If I could learn to walk again I'd do it all different.

I swear I'll be the one to distract you with happiness again. Even Dylan went electric. Sometimes we all get lost in who we think we should be. Sometimes we all just get lost. Theres nothing wrong with needing to be found. That's where I'm at right now... according to my latest breath.

Ditching friends, loves, and expectations for the couch and my dog tonight.

Play or Paws

Authentic happiness wears out too fast. Like cheap cologne, it won't hide the mess underneath.

Dropped all of my regrets off at Good Will and used the receipt to scribble down my future mistakes. Aim low and you'll become what you've always meant to be.

She's More Of A Slowdance And I'm More Of A Throwdown

My last dollar will be spent in a bar but not like you think. I'll be hitting the jukebox up for my favorite song. The only 3:41 that makes my head feel clean... in the emptying the dryer vent kind of way. Reloaded and secure.

We're all just trying to throw heartbreak in reverse.

Spend your lunch money on ransom. Rocket ship dreams from suburban back yards. Me and the moon.

BreatheLikeYouMeanIt

From 4248, W Hotel Times Square

Upon checkout I'm going to miss the street lights outside of my window and the serenade of sirens down below... buzzing past the cafe two blocks down that starts my day. I guess it's not really nostalgia, more like an itch for cold porcelain against warm cheeks and blistered feet.

I'm in love with my friends and the way that they can either make or break my day.

RR21 at AK47. Plum outta sleep.

...hesitate

Blistering my feet only to find out that this staircase is an escalator. I've been writing love letters on the back of maps just to see if I can get the courage to mail them out. If I Fed-Ex my love would you sign for my heart?

I'm pretty sure that the sand in my hair is from the hourglass. The after taste is going to bruise my heart. Dreams are only weapons lately.

Gramercy Park will fix all of this. NYC bound.

Waiting on the murmur to kick in. Nothing is as lonely as knowing you're not supposed to still be around. I'm even late for my own ending. Diagnose that.

Please remember me happily by the water, laughing with bruises on my chin.

Miss Scarlet... In The Ballroom... With The Revolver

I thought that love was alive, but love was just a lie last night. This is becoming a wedding for the recently deceased.

I've been seeing your face in my sleep. The doctor says its perfectly normal but I'll play the role of the skeptic for a little while longer. Just an overdose or two for old times sake. That'll do.

I'm The Traffic Light In Your Early AM

There are a million orphan questions tugging at these torn jeans, just begging for a home that has long since burnt down. Sometimes the sun is as clouded as my mind. Waiting on trains that don't even run anymore.

Lost beneath the sheets and swimming in your smile. Listening to your heart beat through your chest. It's the only thing to remind me that this is real. Moments with you have been captured in time and handed out on the street corners of my heart.

Still dreaming in sequence, just enough to remember the downfall, but never the rest. Lately my nightmares have had me lying awake until the corners of my eyes beat red. I'll just be over here rubbing tomorrow's sand out of last night's eyes.

ICantWaitToGetAlive

Get Me Right

All of this is really just my reflexes, addressing the ever present lull. Pen to paper in hopes of a resolution and such.

My thoughts serving as the The FAA to my fleeing emotions. Line each one up on the runway for departure. Tell the pilot to hold her steady and don't look down.

Sun filtering through partially cracked blinds. Shimmering near my feet on the carpet below. It feels like this should be some Louisiana court room in the middle of an Indian summer. Slow fans spinning to the rhythm of nothingness. As if fate has all the time in the world.

Wasted... My own daylight. Ive been loading the chamber and taking chances with the trigger for years now. It could be so much worse. I can't wait until we can speak of this in past tense.

As The Town Gathers Around The Soldier We Carried Home

There's a home that I have that I don't visit in person, but with prayers. The mirror said that I look like I have ran out of pills, but he laid off when I reminded him that I have been staring at my best friends stone.

Sleeping dog beside me. The only thing that speaks to me is your shape in the doorway. I'm more than ready for the cooling winds of Fall to blow the covers off the perfect bed I've made. I'm tired of trying to find myself in every strangers eye. I've got a fever, and a childish wish for snow.

I really just want to be the rain on your doorstep. I'll just pile that on top of all of the other wants from the day that make me curse in my sleep through the night.

I'll be the one dreaming of the way that the scars in our eyes are mirror images that align when we kiss.

I'd leave all of this on your voice mail, but I want it for myself. Selfish me, by the keyboard.

drOWNed

Suffocate me with who you think I am. Maybe then I'll breathe myself back into the both of us. Ownership is so last year. We are all for rent.

There is so much wonder in the "I could, but I choose not to's.." when they're staring in the face of the "I'm doing this just because I cans'.

I only hope I'm hitting the keys in the same sequence that my mind is telling my finger tips to... as we try to reach each other.

If the meaning is so lost, it's only poetic.... in the Romeo vs. Juliet kind of way. The same teams for the same sorry, (mis-placed) dreams.... until it's documented... and then we will all re-write every single word...

It's our Anniversary 1988 - Now(here)

It's Here

Made eye contact with the consequences this afternoon. Been suffering a great loss, but I have yet to identify exactly what it is. I know that didn't make any sense. None of me does this time of year. The blues and browns haven't been doing me justice, or vice versa.

With black ink guilt I promise to always be right there to split your lips.

Show me a little bit of spark. I'll do the rest. I swear...

we'rewellreadandpoised

From 1008, Swissotel Chicago

Being ahead means being behind a velvet rope some of the time. Away from the excitement. It's only funny... in the grass is always greener kind of way. Retraced the last 365 this week and thought I broke even, but I've found a heavy heart with a skyline letdown beyond the horizon.

I am the sugar coating on the pills you eat before you lay cold for twelve hours.. waiting for the sun to die again before you make your rounds.

Dialed for the truth but I was re-directed to another li(n)e.

And I Know I Should Be Home

Words are fireworks, and I've been warned not to play with them so casually. You'll get burnt. What can I say? I just love the way the fuse dangles... almost as much as I love the smell from the after burn.

You are the blackened streak on my driveway the morning after. Next day memories of a well lit sky.

Placed myself in a duffel bag again. Got friends to see and work to do.

An Heir To Misfortune

I wonder what kind of pills she swallows, to get her that hopeful. I'm so bland of late. Wishing for hair dye and cheap alcohol. Anything but this stagnant lifestyle. It's like my head needs an upgrade, but I don't have enough bandwidth to download the update.

From passing out to passing judgment, my dreams are becoming subtitled reruns. And I've run out of bookmarks to preoccupy myself with on this couch.

Someone send the divers. Creativity is somewhere below. Every air bubble on the surface could have been it's last breath.

Crying Only Adds Salt To The Wounds

It's the world vs. you and me and we're ahead a point. Just run out the clock baby. Because breathing was the best idea anyone ever had.... I've been doing alot of that lately. Each in and out is another notch on the bottle...keeping the bright blues away from my system.

My head above shoulders. The weight of the world is resting on anything that it can, other than my conscience.

There's a light on in Chicago.

The Difference Between A Parlor Trick and True Blue Magic

Do you follow the letters that my fingers are laying down? Is the distraction in the question... or is it in the consequence?

I once kissed the devil but the taste was bland so I'll stick to kissing Angels like you. NYC was a dream that ended to early. I want shut eye-lids and alarm clock anticipation.

Racing through the city, sitting in the back of yellow checkered cars. The take-offs are the absolute worst... but the skin from your shoulder to your ear makes it all worth it. I'm sorry for the way that my moods flicker on and off like an old light on your porch, but I know you wouldn't have it any other way.

From a TrueBlueRoom in NYC

I heart the way that her skies and my eyes always drain at the departure. Watching the city weep from a bar on St. Marks Place. We must look like a picture framed moment, as we sit staring out at the carnival of umbrella pushers and designer knock-off peddlers.

Hunting Buffalo has never been so lucrative. FAO, AK47, MI3, NYSD... all acronyms for our weekend. Boat races in gutters, that's how we should always live.

Chasing HIGHScores from East to West. When your room number matches your area-code you begin to wonder if you're even on vacation... or if just maybe, this could be home.

Release, Rehab, Repeat

I'll be your crowbar if you will promise to focus on me the same way you did your childhood birthday candles. Wide eyes and all. Love is just an inside joke. Let's get punch-lined.

I'm the lamb and you are the slaughter.

Placing victims in the corners of my mind and wiping my feet on all of their dreams. This is our time baby girl, write it like you lived it.

AK47Heaven

Evacuate Your Head

Most of the time, when roses are thrown at your feet, it's only to watch you dance amongst the thorns... but it's worth the pain.

I've been hating the way that the walls echo with absence. I'm carving my heart into a bookmark to be a reminder of where you left off... and as always, things only make sense when I'm looking away.

I've Got Hearts In Every Time Zone

Maybe I'm just sick of how I fit this suitcase life inside the overhead compartment. Turbulence shakes my hand as I introduce myself, but I think we've met before.

The coming and going of good friends has left an empty room that echoes more than it should.

Slept away another one because it's all I know how to do.

Come Front Soon

Not permitted on land so I took to the water today. Old play lists have been a pat on my shoulder from the past, letting me know I'm still alive... somewhere beneath this fair armor.

The sun is such a harsh shade of warmth today that I'm pretty sure I'll forget to go home.

Sometimes I think I might fuck up in hopes that if I actually do something right it will feel saint-like. Either way I'll always be on the wrong side of the meridian.

It's more than alright to sing off key here. We are the original pirates ... the ones that require no anchor. Chasing sunsets and such.

You stood out better when you were .75 cents down with seconds left. PS: Next time, focus on trying to fake your own chest out... not my heart. Still purring?...

Welcome to the lovehostage show. Keep your voices down and enjoy our feature presentation. See you on the second track.

SaccharineOnTheAsphalt

From Room 225 in Birmingham

Used the alcohol for cleaning wounds, and restocked the bottles with kerosene. We all know that turning heads just risks breaking necks so I'll make sure all of the action is in your field-of-view.

Thread the needle with your tongue. This will be home-made loneliness. We're a thousand inadequacies. Taped up and polished to resemble something useful.

Meds to wake me up. Meds to keep me going. Just pull the strings and collect on the humor as I slide. Neither coherent or dismissed... that's how I've been written. And the greatest part of it all, is that I'm the editor of this tragedy.

Forced Heart Beat

Somewhere in Georgia in a driving rain I mis-placed our cloak and dagger. Drops of rain pelting the windshield with convictions. Been feeling like a thief in a sleeping town. Locked my hope away because you're taking it all with you.

Bored in a minefield. The heavy heart that refused to come up for air... that's how I'll be remembered. I've been both, between a joke, and the pause before laughter.

You make me write again. I'm alive upon our death... but thank you none-the-less. Forced heart beat and all.

This Could Be My Vice

My dreams are all backyards in the surburbs. I need the directions to oblivion so I can get lost. Willing to get into the ring just to feel my pulse again.

I forgot to lose your keys so I'm trying them out in every car in the parking lot just in case one will take you farther than my own.

Woke up this morning and tried to trade sunshine for yesterdays, or at least to give the moon for tomorrows... but nothing I say gets through anymore.

I'm just a spirit watching you all live on without me.  What if the voice of reason doesn't speak English?

Why break my wand when you can break my spirit faster?

Today is bad luck only if you checked the date... I've got the calendar glued to my wrist. Crossing the days off until I remember why I'm here.

Displace Me

Spinning a web of "unique" around the designs in my mind. Trying to make the next level something that makes each one of you want to "use all of your guys" to achieve. Super Mario and all... I want to be the castle where you all find the princess.

Syncing myself back and forth until I get it right.

You are my escape plan, playing with fire. I've made a back up copy in case this match against your skin ignites.

I'm out of ideas... but only, not really.

Summer Lovin'

You and me baby, we're the Cubs in October. Most likely at home, but clenching our award for the biggest of hearts.

I wandered off to some place to find the missing piece in my puzzle... and now I'm here, standing right in front of it. Wanna tear it up and start all over, or frame it for the world to see? Your call.

My childhood hero is still on my bedroom wall at my parents house, all though you wouldn't recognize him tonight.... with all of the steroids and such. Twice the size and half the man, that's what my generation has grown up admiring.

I want Harry Carey yelling "let's get some runs." I want my dad and I on the turf in Kansas City, or to be back in my seat on the night of George Brett's final home game.... an inside the park home-run to top it off. Andre Dawson with his weak knees and Ozzy's back flips. Swing and a Mrs.

Phenylethylamine (PEA), the chemical that is responsible for all of your swooning, and feelings of adoration.... it's structurally similar to cocaine. But most people choose cocaine over love when given the chance.

The endorphins we release during infatuation are similar to heroin; only they won’t make you skinny and pale. Oxytocin, also known as “the cuddling hormone,” is usually found in new mothers and newlyweds. Each of these hormones are like ecstasy... more tingles with every touch.

Love exists in a bottle. In a syringe. I want mine diluted with water.

A Fine Frenzy

Changing my 10 digits and everything that follows the @ symbol. For no other reason than just because.... and new technology.

I miss our skylines. I'm hating myself for missing the last few days. Swear to keep my tickets.. if not for anything but a scrapbook. Our friendships are worth documenting beyond the charts. CCH

Holding on to lovehostage for everything it's worth, but discarding pieces like a space shuttle ditches it's rocket boosters.... still in orbit... P dub and AX are my Neil Armstrong. How can we let them down when there is no gravity? Moonstruck is how they'll be livin' this Winter!

Bring me heARTache. Something more than darkness and these fingertips, sleepless against all odds.

Happiness is only there when it's right in front of me. When she goes away she'll take it with her.

Missing Out On Getting In... But I Had To Do It

Been wrapping myself around the way that hope arises in possibility... yet possibility is still fragmented and selfish. Don't think for a second that I'm some sort of safe ground to walk on.

I will sink beneath the feet of a million traveling companions and make ruin of any city's foundations. Concrete and iron beams can't tell a soul how it feels. Our street corners keep secrets, and our road signs only make suggestions.

This is dirty water, but it's still something worth drinking down if it can cure the dehydration from the words that you have let slip out.

Reminded of the summer when all of my friends learned to ride bikes before I had the chance. Watching them peddle away for the afternoon was fierce. If the lesson is never learned it's just like stitches for show.

My insides beat through your screen and in your mind. I'm in a dark room off of the bright yellow hallway. Why don't you just ask me how many times I can sing rescue me.

This is in simple celebration of the things we've grown to hate about the people we love, including ourselves.

sIMple

Slept myself awake and back again. Trying to be a better version of myself while writing letters to someone who opens envelopes with matchsticks. This will only end with the taste of postage stamps so you might as well just cut your tongue out.

Meet my eyes through the glass. We don't shatter like we used to. This gets harder every time.

An Incredible Sense Of The Pretend

Every month that begins on a Sunday entombs within itself a Friday the thirteenth. God always hides a devil.

The crazy thing about fortune tellers is that they are always living in the past. But who isn't? Falling in love never was all that much like falling asleep. To to be perfectly honest I think I liked the sleeping thing a whole lot better. Every night you can die yourself to sleep. There are a lot worse things than being alone. They must have just slipped my mind...

"there is honor among thieves..."

Make a list of things you love, hate, and look forward to... am I on all three?

"The world is your oyster"... what does that mean? That I'm just grinding sand, waiting to be sucked down by box dyed blonde's and chased with hypnotic... Dumb-luck, but there's no such thing as smart luck. Smart luck gets you kicked out of Vegas. Happy as a clam but how happy can clams be? Dreaming of being steamed or robbed of their only worldly possession, pearls.... sounds like a fantasy a soccer mom would have, only with upscale spas and a mugger fetish.

I am a starfish waiting to regenerate a point. Till then, I am kind of pointless. I got a bad rap for not caring but I still pay taxes and wear my seat belt in back seats... though I'm considering changes.

ForeverTheFixerUpper

Shedding Tails Just To Trip You Up And Let Me Down

I'm only good for a couple of laughs and drinks... all else is patience lost. They all want to die pretty while I struggle to crumble like a historic facade. There is love in these imperfections... I only hope you'll restore me to my original.

Re-wrap and refund... or as we say... give love, then take it away. How can you ask these things of me, and then expect me to open my ears when you come knocking on my chest.

I look better in pieces... better as an incomplete jigsaw than to see the whole picture.

I'll place an umbrella in your hand, only to rain on you. Bourne again.

Because "I'm sorry" doesn't fix this. And "I take it back" is never good news, no matter the context. Cut my face out and replace it (with your own). Lately, it's all German to me. Every ounce of us is potent(e).

FrankaEqualsTaken

Label Me A Boomerang

Umbrellas and train wrecks... that's where my mind has been this afternoon. A one year season pass with an extension... thanks for the past 365. Will you promise to keep crashing my screen if I promise to keep my heart in the middle of every dead end?

Listened to Leonard Cohen sing Hallelujah as I put down new hardwood floors today. I knew it was either that, or hire a better cleaning lady, because there has been a lot of people creeping out of the woodwork lately. It's not like I mind though.

Handed over my itinerary for the next few weeks. I love the way the days are filling up. Long live the young and the jet set. I love knowing that when they rip the tickets, that I'm on the ride with all of you. I found a point when I was searching for pointlessness. I found a love when I was looking for madness. I'm gonna save our sweat for when we get to heaven.

IllComeBackToLifeForYou

Rattling The Walls

Sometimes I hope that I don't wake up, sometimes I'm scared that I won't. It's funny how that scale works. It's like our lady of justice peeking under the blindfold. If I could keep you still long enough I'd slip a rope around your finger or maybe even a silver band.

Gave up on love when I started seeing about it in gossip rags. Almost gave up on God when I realized one day my father was gonna die. Gave up on myself too many times to count... you could trade mistakes for sheep and count me away forever at night.

Thanks for never giving up on me.... even when you truly should have.

Just try to get home before the light hits our bedroom.

See You Later Innovator

Searched the web for a new favorite dot calm in the airport this evening.

On a runway in the city, heading home to keep secrets. Long distance love affairs with the pavement. 2 solid hours in St. Marks Place, sitting on stoops waiting for the roses to dip their heads a little further to the ground. I'm holding out for a change of season. Pinks and whites turning brown and such.

Aisle 9 Seat C. Wondering if you have you ever thought about what protects our hearts. It's just a cage of rib bones. And I was born lacking 2. I guess it's fairly simple to cut right through this disaster and to stop the muscle that makes me confess.

I fasten my seat belt because it is the law. Getting ready to power down. Upload before it all goes wrong. DecayDance

Write Back To Where We Started From

I know you so well, like nights in Manhattan in an alphabet light. I'm still seeing double through those predictable glances. You are oh so fabulous with your trust and motto's.

She said "don’t take this on if you are wanting something other than fame."

I'll be in the kitchen preparing revenge, we both know it's best served cold. So bundle up your heart strings and remember your manners.

Sometimes I think that when you buried my good fortune you thought it would just stay there in the grave.

love(d)r

Re-Writing Myself Alive

Resorting to being myself since everyone else is taken. My thoughts are spreading out on notebook paper that is crumpled and creased. They aren't perfect but they make me smile.

Sweet everythings spilled into my frontal lobes. Promises being said out loud and not being kept. Less pressure.

Switched myself off for a day or two, instead of continuously trying to jump start my brain.

The moon is a crescent in the afternoon sky, Cheshire-cat style, and I can see the gaps between it's teeth as it gri(maces)ns at me.

Life lines make me dead, but deadlines keep me alive.

Til I Can Laugh At My Heart Between Your Teeth

I've got your words in me. I want you back and forth, inside out and such. Nothing more.

Met myself for the first time in the middle of a chorus this morning. I've got a span of attention, eyes long as my teeth, and every intention of losing myself. Wanna join? This all just a shout out to J.O.Y

Go ahead. Do the right thing... I'll just watch from here. Me not caring is the best thing that's happened to each and every one of us.

6-12 Has Always Been My Day

It's Trainwreck Tuesday in NYC, and tomorrow.. home will be the scheduled stop. Lovehostage will soon be in your living rooms.... your support means more than life.

These days will be spent with crossed fingers and closed hearts. Telephone li(n)es and stories too unbelievable to be made up. We're all living lives that are just books with ripped out pages we can forget we ever wrote.

52 Heart Pickup

Theres an opposite to deja vu. They call it jamais vu. It's when you meet the same people or visit places, again and again, but each time is the first time. Everybody is a stranger. Nothing is ever familiar. Jamais Vu reminds me of the mirror in my bathroom.

This isn't learning from my mistakes anymore so much as it is damage control. I might as well be trying to paint a house that's on fire.

I don't draw short straws, I photograph them. I take shots in the dark because that's where I feel that I'm kept. Someone please fill my hopes with helium. At least that way someone will have an excuse for pulling me down. Happiness has become just guarding yourself from the facts.

mor(t)ality.

A Brighter Shade Of Loyalty

A day in the dark is the new night. My heart is offline, yet I woke up with this burning in my fingertips. I won't fill your screen with sweet talk sweetie... sweet talk sweetie is just a twist of the tongue. I'll stick to stomachs.

Lavish reward for anyone who can find last summer's eyes from which I viewed the world.

They're driving up the price of inspiration while I'm running on fumes.

Empty

Even Darwin requested to be baptized upon his deathbed. But they'll never tell you that... Til this day his work is still just a theory, taken "too far" by academia... his words... but they'll never tell you that either...

We're already under water on Jupiter's moon, Europa. Exploring... but they'll never tell you that...

I have been happy on the surface but Jesus took his talent to the grave. So don't mind me but I'm pretty sure I feel myself sinking. Now maybe someone has another someone to save. I don't know if I'm calming down or revving up... The engines overheating a bit and the music's too loud to tell.

Just one syllable to throw me off balance. That's why I love you. I'm self conscious to the point I can't meet my eyes in the mirror. Or maybe that's because I'd hate to shatter the illusions I've deluded myself with. It's both curious and ugly how fast red fades to brown, and the stings turn into itches.

It's So Easy 2 Get Older Not So Much Wiser

"Pooh"
"Yes, Piglet"
"Nothing, I just wanted to be sure of you"...
"Goodnight dear friend"

Hands Down, Hopes Up

From room 1203 - W Hotel NYC Union Square

A Buffalo nickel met me at the gates, along with a rush of caffeine at sunrise.. dying to roam. Shallow glances from a strangers profile caught my eye. The headline on the Sunday paper read; "Take Over, The Breaks Over."

Hemingway dreamt in black and white... it was all in his head. Well lit rooms and red water balloons. Sound stage chaos. A rainy night in Brooklyn will have them talking until the sun burns out... while the rush of "what's next" had us all delaying flights for one last fix. Long live the young and the jet set.

It's really all a matter of who you become in the middle of the night. I don't want to descend back to reality when I'm here. Angels drink with Kings when we're all together. We're just a click away. Hope and Hype are just a letter off as well.

GongHitsForShots

Kiss My Eyelids And Sing Me To Sleep

It's funny how very simple and intricate illusions can be. I don't ever want to know where the blades go, or how the assistant steps out unharmed. If the world came to an end, I'd rather stay blindfolded than open my eyes.

Small amounts of "genuine" have dressed themselves in black and invaded the corners of my lips. Pulling them towards the stars and convincing them to spend the night. My stomach turns when you're near but only in the best directions.

I'm faking everything, just to look like more of a loser because that's all I've ever known. These knuckles are bruised from fights that never happened except in my head. I was looking for comfort in all the wrong places, steel wool instead of silk.

My greatest flaw is my obsession with feeling sorry for myself... no wait... my greatest flaw is my inherent need to document it. If you read between the lines, you'd realize I don't mean half of what I say, and everything that I don't. It's hard to be completely honest, when the world revolves around how well you can lie. I can manipulate people without realizing it, if only to get myself out of a jam. Bending (over) the truth has become a habit. I'm losing my sight from staring at keyboards in the dark, trying to be everything to everyone, and nothing to myself.

Drag In The Day Like A Body

The Wizard of Oz in reverse. From color to black and white. Excuse me for nodding off. Always boring myself to death. This is all just the unauthorized biography written by myself.

Curiosity killed the cat... but what did loyalty ever get the dog? Truth in increments at Sailfish Marina.

For every kid building rockets out of scraps. Daring to escape. lovehostage

Hanging Out In The Lost And Found

I can feel my tongue in the deep end of my head with everything I wish I had the ability to say. Running credit checks on the emotionally bankrupt. I find myself cursing my cell phone provider or rejoicing in it.... depending on who is on the other end.

You wish I was more. I get it. I got it. I gut it.

The sun sets and rises on the same old mood and the world has become a dangerous place to me. I just want to be your anthem, not your away message. There aren't any cliffs to throw yourself upon and there is absolutely no romance in just: me.

In other not-so breaking news.. I'm pretty sure I could really be your favorite... Or at least always the person you say goodnight to last before your head hits the pillow.

Limitations Melt At The Mention Of My Name

Notes from West Palm Beach...

Crying for the sake of the taste. The "in crowd" is on the outs. My self esteem rivals an obsessed diver without an oxygen tank.

As long as you keep pulling at straws, I will keep holding them out there. Kind of weird how even my skin feels tired and sore. Not really sure where my life is headed but at least I know where it's not.

I've got them all out of my system. It's not like I don't know that they're currently working out a plan to seep back in, they always do. But for now I can lock my door and lose myself in the spaces they've been occupying. Reclaiming the corners of my mind and such. That's how I'm livin'.

When I say I fall in love with strangers, I mean I fall out of love with everyone else.

Because Love Is Out Of Fashion And I Gave Her My Shoes

The world is the puzzle on the last page of the Sunday paper that I forget to read, and decidedly leave in the stack next to the firewood I'm saving for Winter. I just woke up from Tokyo and I'm glad to be back.

A girl once said to me, "Eyelids are the screens which memories are played on" and it made me want to pour a half empty glass over reruns. My goal is to be better than this, and my deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. My secrets are bullets and I'm out to get the world.

Nearly nine months later, I'm still editing love letters, even after I flooded the post box. It's just the kind of boy that I am.

Everything before all of this was undramatic. Not worthy of a story or script. Just another bad memory that makes as good ammunition for the voices in my head and the butchers in my chest.

The way you think of the universe as huge or impressive or magnificent, that's the way the contours of your face feel, in my mind, and the way your lips part when you think or sleep or grieve is the way I'd like to be, only forever instead of for a minute, an hour, or a day.

They Say That We All Learn From Our Mistakes And I'm On The Honor Roll

Hold me accountable and I'll hold you closer.

My gut has always been my compass but lately I have been heaving it into gutters. You smell of a grove of trees my family drove past for years when I was younger. It's like a fortune cookie I opened 17 years early.

I don't say these words aloud as I fear they would set off a chemical reaction within me or you... or that they would come across like a foreign language, straining for meaning.

Turned in my badge and gun as far as anyone ever understanding me is concerned.

You are concrete and boomerangs and everything i can count on. When my back feels like breaking, or my stomach feels like heaving, or my eyes feel like raining... I will always think of that.

Been shit talking so much with people who are asleep on the inside. Their veins are pumping blood but their hearts just aren't in it.

Into A Million Pieces, I Wait To Explode

Notes found in pockets from Fripp Island.

I'm sitting here tracing your name in the carpet, admiring the smile in your voice. The distorted kiss of the frequencies through our cell phones is my favorite. I've swung my feet into the air, stretched back as far as I can, and I'm kicking at the stars. We're making it big. This sad and lonely silhouette is on the run. For once I'm feeling built to last.

I'm saving dreams for the comas in my dogs eyes. He's dreaming of the beach, where we twist and laugh in arms. I can't wait to tell him everything, but he's so peaceful. A pen and the moon are perfect mattress companions.

I've pressed repeat on my favorite track, it's a symphony of breaking hearts, set to an off-beat. I listened to it the entire drive home.

So lost in medication, I had been missing my butterflies. Tore up the citation that the drugstore sheriff handed me. Numb is the only thing to keep me going. DrugstoreCowboy

I live in notes and photographs locked safely away.... oh.. and hopefully somewhere in your heart.

This Is A Lesson In Procrastination

I want to beat the cliche and become greater than myself. I want to understand the irony in everything and move past it. This will never happen. No sleep until we hit the shelves.

I cannot sort between what people are saying and what they could be saying. Currently living behind closed doors and watching through keyholes for signs of life. I have the ocean at Fripp drawn on my hand because I needed to escape and that was the quickest way.

Unintentional awkward glances towards the moon as I attempt to patch the ceiling with these words. Short lived relief in the form of text. Blurred baby worlds and such. I feel 12 again. Baby girl wipe the fears from your eyes, I'm a stranger to myself as well. An emotional sleep hold is my best move, but don't tell anyone.

It's too bad that I have to retract my words from that night. I guess it's all just really failure by design. But then again, if your tears were bottled, I'd drink them too. We're both just playing a game of chicken with our hearts.

For my ears to focus I will confess... you're the best I've ever met.

Thieves in my bloodstream. Just to stay awake.

Pen-Trilouist

Scene: A rocket ship containing two astronauts re-entering the earth’s atmosphere after a lunar orbit of 6 days. A technical difficulty with the lunar aircraft leads to circumstance’s beyond everyone’s control.

Amidst, strapped in. Now learning to react when gasping for lack of oxygen. I hope I see home again. Not too many have shared this scene. Hearing de-tuned frequencies, an Astronaut symphony.

Come in, Mission Control. We’re losing pressure and propulsion. I don’t know if I can but I’ll aim for the ocean. The clouds aren’t paying attention. Last second thoughts fail to mention that the Earth looks so pretty on the burning return to the city.

Our fate is not in the stars but in ourselves. This is our free-fall zodiac. Please keep your telescope’s attached. Please.

And everything that’s warm stays cold to the touch. What a handsome skyline torch. We’re way off course but it doesn’t even matter. It could’ve been so much worse. And everything has changed in the last 6 days.

Time Converts More People Than Reason

Which came first? The friends or the enemies? I love us all, but only in split second increments. Love is such a filthy word as of late. Check the clock just to make sure that your time isn't up. Ignore every sign that tells you not to continue.

Scene: A lavish office filled with notebooks and fountain pens. Located behind the rosewood desk sits a man of high stature in a plush recliner. Having just hung up the phone, he contemplates to himself the truth in his opponent’s words. He lights his regular pipe and knows that he must hold strong for the people. Patience appears to be his only saving cause of action. His enemy’s arrival is inevitable, just as the apparent consequence for peace.

Manipulate these ghosts. I can wait you out. Better than the storm that drips from your pours. Nothing has really changed... it’s never been so simple to say. When I relay this story, it's so easy to lie and pretend but misconception is all they breathe. That’s why there’s no "you & me."

A traitor’s death is its own reward. Electric thoughts in deceptive statements; this is your test to see.

Baby Blue Pill Eyes Behind Maroon Eyelids

Nothing matches a bad friend like a good lie. Who needs love when a few well-placed words make you bleed more than any real person ever could.

I'm writing you a list of all the things you weren't.

I wish I could unzip my skin and take it off just to take a long walk around the harbor... but I can’t do it. At least not on my own. It's not the same as when I take out my pen and wage it all... that's when it is natural.

She forces eyelash coal deposits down my face and sticks her lower jaw out at me whenever she thinks she's losing.

Hate is like love with resentment and a pinch of under fed lust. I can only hope that one day we can meet again face to face, so I can explain just how much you affected me.

I'll never be the same because of you. It's ironic that I have a long fuse, but my lifeline is so short.

I heart the way that you've welcomed me into your circle. I break at the thought that it's all changing.

I heart the way I am more than the way I was and I heart the future more than I will care to admit. I only hope that it lives up to my dreams almost as much as I hope you're not faking it.

The Who's Who Of Future Failures.. And Other Great Myths

Throw it away. Close your eyes and put the speaker next to my pillow. Love is just going on because. Morbid final attempts to get real. My mattress feels like a coffin, but my corpse deserves a parade around the country. I can't touch my toes. I never could. There's no stretch in this imagination. I just want hotels and stories.

She has it all... the "what ifs" and 'I coulds."

Sinking Heart Perversion

Sometimes all that we need to be able to continue alone are the dead, rattling the walls that close us in. "Sick" would be a good excuse. Everything has been striking like a chord. Repeated, like lectures retold.

The way I take everyone in has my body feeling like an orphanage. My hopes will never fly if you keep holding them down and just know that this isn't the way the world is supposed to be. Where did all the color go? They drained it from my skin to fuel their dreams.

Take this from the top. Crashing trains make the best sound ever. My deepest apologies... my mind is empty or maybe it's just over crowded... either way, you're on it all of the time. I watch you like you are my own.

MotiveAteMe

Fist Fights With The Keyboard When I Think Of How Things Turned Out

lovehostage Converse

Shoes! Much progress this week! The camo on the shoe is made up of bones, the red lining is made up of skulls. "lovehostage" embroidered along the side. Should be ready for full production this fall.

We are the first degree... but in the least severe kind of way, like a burn. The rest of them can be the most severe form, like murder.

Weather the storm or weather away at the surface. I have lowered all expectations to make it easy for you. She says that I'm "so transparent." I want to believe that she means I'm obvious, but I'm pretty sure she meant I'm invisible.

Henry Ziegland went out with meaning. Let's do the same. Just say you love me for three good reasons and I'll throw you the rope.

IveSoldTheRightsToAllMyWrongs

From Room 406, Somewhere In Virginia

Is it just me or are we writing ourselves in circles? Craving something new. We are all neighbors on this writer's block. Pack your journals for a new location. On our way out, as the city burns down... take notice as the children in their beds arise to hold the hands of the fallen.

She is three times the lady that I've ever had. That's the secret behind the fear in my eyes. Cubing the potential for loss and such. "Silly boy, isn't it time that you have a little faith in yourself?"

A flower is blooming in a vacant city. It's a place where words flow and imagination never peaks. It's a place that should be home. Let's bring ourselves there.

I'm Not Looking For Day Traders, Only Investors. Someone That Enjoys Seeing Their Stocks Mature.

"home"

In college I learned that Da Vinci's painting "the Mona Lisa," has no eye brows because they were the last detail that the artist added. One day back in the 17th century a restorer used the wrong solvent and wiped them off forever. Sometimes I feel like I've been using the wrong solvent on myself. Wiping away the original and all.

Hearts on backorder. Save Chumley's. All that we can do is write our names and cross our fingers. Every piece of home has been disappearing upon return. I only want it all back. There is nothing worse than returning home to signs that read "Condemned," and temporary memorials for friends.

Sometimes I swear I'm a genius, without the last two letters to back me up. I'm in love with being treated like a charity. We all love to receive. Dissect me visually, but only from a far. Microscopic judgment is so last year.

LetTheMoodDoTheThinking

Cyanide Dependent

The truth about forever is it's not. But I guess you were already aware of that. I'm challenging blood cells to games of kiss and run around your veins. I've spent all of this time raising hell, but now that it's grown up and moved out, I don't know what to do with myself.

The pills and I are on the same side. We're both anti-anxiety. Little armies of hope in capsules. Why am I on the front line alone?

TheCornersOfMyMouthAreHeavyForYou

Discuss and Distrust

From room 36 in the Night Hotel... 45th and Broadway. We are on the other side of stop signs on Bedford. Live in Times Square for all to see... riding along and below the city streets. We are lovehostage. We're stuck.

Literally bounced off a wall this morning. Only to see you smile. The rest of this foolishness is just me tipping over a rusty bucket and letting everything run down a hill... collecting in cracks and sometimes going off course. I know this probably makes no sense whatsoever to people outside the glass, but right now I'm sitting in this see through room and this is the only way I know to make sense of myself. TrueJetBlue.

We're not getting old, we're just getting vintage. We'll find ourselves in thrift shops and antique stores someday. When was the last time you felt proud of me? Place me in the dollar bin and move on.

I'm dreading the absence of sirens and pitchmen with fliers. A penny for the homeless, a dollar for a slice, and a credit card for the loneliness. Bar tab junkie. Switching flights has become like tapping the syringe to keep things pure. Avoid the flight home. One last shot before we hit the sky. There are two receipts on top of the mini bar to prove I bought everything you've ever said. "Immortality was lost as she put her lips to the (big)apple..." I understand her temptation.

I Kept My Word

I swore that I would let you down. This life is just one big typo... while the inside of my head is out of breath, from all this jumping from here and there. The kids are all so fucked up, but no one even stopped the party. 911 must have taken the night off.

Silly girl, you're always going to be described as the first three letters in"considerate." This is the face of wanting to slumber past eternity. Every sip is another tear in the screen door. I'll always be the family dog, longing for the world outside. One day the screen will tear and I'll run wild. It's the only thing that I've ever lived for. Sylvia Plath in hand.. that's how I'm living.

They always seem surprised when I suffer from an outburst. Not you though. You know where I bury it. I see the fear in your eyes but I can't turn it all around. We have gained too much speed, pumping the brakes will only shake us up before impact. I only wanted to deliver you in a safe manner.. I never meant for you to be a passenger.

If we were a notebook, I'd rip out all of the pages just to start over. I wouldn't throw them away though, I'd take notes from all of the good parts.

Exit To Exit, Dust To Dust

My smile reflects the skyline. Lack there of or otherwise. Let's just say my dentist has prescribed a Big Apple. Arcadia has left the map. It's our new Atlantis. A shovel and a compass.... searching to dig.

The man I used to be gave me a call today. He asked me how I was doing... I said "better than you.." and then hung up. Yet they still harass me for not returning phone calls. The other end of the line is often meant for someone else.

My heart feels sad, but almost relieved. It makes more sense like this. Surreal can be defined by the admitted liar asking you why you have trust issues. Save ink, write truth. Save breath in the same manner.

Remember when "showing them where your heart is at" was a positive action?

TalkedOver is the same as WalkedOver

In No Particular Order

I want nothing to do with me. Absence makes this heart grow stronger. Lately my brain has been taking fiction, shaking it up, and turning it into fact. I can’t be alone with me. I'm pretty sure if you look close enough, you're going to be able to see the red ribbon trail of somberness leading the way through my eyes. This fabric(ation) is filled with such flaws. Watch as my mind is run over by the ambulance.

Todays date is so meaningful for once.

Try, Fail, Try, Fail, Lie, Flail, Try, Fail, Fail, Fail, Quit

This Easter I'm a High Glucose Lover

I wouldn't know a day without the taste of my own blood. I'm the worlds worst shaver. More scars than accomplishments on this s(h)elf. Carrying the burdens of my parents because I could never find out who I really am. And now that I'm giving it a try, I don't like what I see. Normalcy is not a word that grazes my lips nor paces through my life. Turned away from Camelot. I have permanent prints of my hands on my face from all the times they've rested their.

I can't take me anymore... and I can't take you anywhere.

"Love anything and your heart will be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact you must give it to no one, not even an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements. Lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket--safe, dark, motionless, airless--it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable. To love is to be vulnerable."
-c.s. lewis

Backup Batteries in Alarm Clocks

You know those kids, the ones that used to be hiding out underneath your staircase. Hidden away, stashed and stowed. "You are an embarrassment to this family!" Well just in case you didn't happen to hear... they got out. I'm pretty sure I saw them on my TV yesterday with skinny jeans and guitars. A microphone to yell they're prayers. I don't always have a microphone but I do have a keyboard and a screen.

Now or later? Like candy, but just with how I feel. Thank God I have had so many reasons for smiles lately. Not picture smiles. Just the kind we had before all the worry started. And I for one can't really remember that far back. I'm sure it's in a history book somewhere. Dust it off for me and read me to sleep.

Round six in the "me vs. myself" battle. I know the right words are gonna come soon. They'll spill out. Woke up doused in blood this morning. I'm not sure if more came from my mouth or my nose. Allergies and moonlit mornings. Maybe the sparkle in my eye is just draining red.

I've been feeling ugly on the inside and no matter what anyone says or does its the only thing going in my ears. Let all of this/me be a lesson to you... there is a point in making it through unscathed. The whole point can be summed up in one word.. "catharsis." I firmly believe this is all coming down to one point... it's all about getting better... to be ok and to be ok with being ok. Do the math to figure all of this out. If you caught me smiling a bit more than usual, it's just cause some tow-truck pulled me out of the ditch and my headlights are pointed the right way again.

God's my favorite artist. Do you know what it feels like to be the work of the greatest artist that ever lived? But even Monet did sketches. It's not so euphoric to be the "yeah its good, but not by far his best work". Scribbled in close quarters with a head flowing. You know, when ideas keep you up all night and you fidget in your seat trying to make the pen move as fast as you. That's where I'm at. Throwing it all in reverse with a keyboard.

I believe in angels again. From 16 yrs old, lost between Fashion and Broadway, to a flat tire on 77 in a drunken stupor. They still show up for me. It's the least I can do to love them back.

Compare Me To An Aftershock

If you desire to be the man on top you will at one point be asked to stand alone. And it comes as no secret that we all only have 2 to stand upon... With that in mind, let it be known that at some point I will go for the leg like Daniel. An even surface... that's all I've ever wanted.

What happens when we arrive at the realization that we both liked ourselves better in the fall... Will we wait it out?.. Do we even have it in us to make it to the cold? As of late, cleaning myself up only makes me feel more dirty.

And in the midst of traffic I saw a license plate on an 18 wheeler that could have led me home to you. But I veered right... and you veered left... and I haven't thought twice about turning around. How about you? I've been meaning to call home, but what can I do when MY favorite SONG keeps playing on the radio?

You will always be the water to my asphalt. Let the rain drown me out. Force me to collect puddles for you. We both know that when the cold of winter returns you'll drive over me hoping that the tread won't split, and that I will still draw you towards me once again.

I'm forever on an interstate of sleeplessness. Where the patrolmen wear badges engraved with the title "reality enforcer."

Every pill you swallow is just the button on the cruise control... speed up.. slow down... speed up... slow down... maintain.... maintain. Forever a cruise control lover. Just keep it below 75. Heart rates to MPH.

An acoustic guitar, a dead end boat, and my dog by my side. The perfect checklist for an afternoon in search of an island, some peace, and solitude.

Summer has been replaced with Self-Destruction once again in my seasonal dictionary. But we all know that alphabets are for lo(v)sers.

I'm center stage, and all of the houselights are on... exposing my every imperfection.

You are refreshing. But not like deep breathes, more like the internet browser kind of way. It's more of an accusation than a compliment.

Bury Your Worries and Toes in the Sand

There's a man at the corner bar sitting hands clenched, holding tightly to his hat so it wont blow away..... He's with a girl who has stuffed her hands in her pockets, holding tightly to her money so she won't blow it all on another addiction. It really is all the same. Every single day.

When he gets home from work he'll find his children already in bed without seeing his face today. And the girl with empty pockets, she has spent all of her money again. She's wondering why she even owns a wallet.

She is the L and he is the O for us, Liars Out there, and she is the V and he is the E for the Violence in Everyone. We might spell you, but we are nothing like you.

His kids have said their prayers and are sound asleep... visions of being all grown up with children of their own have them swearing that they will never wear the same hat size that their father wears. And the girl, now a woman... she says that she's happy and thanks god for jewelry and single millionaires.

She is the H and he is the O for us, Humble Orphans. She's the S and he is the T, as they are Starving to Trust. And they both are the A and the G. Absent from God. The rest of us, we're just the E..... the Emptiness they feel, from pockets to hearts.

We might spell you, but we are nothing like you. We have all either fallen in, or been taken.

2nd Star To The Right

Deep down inside we all just want to be Galileo's telescope. We all want to change the world at such a pace that when we are gone we'll have enough knowledge to point towards the significance of our own existence.

My words are the convex lens that results in the ability to see so much further... at least that's how I will tell this story when it's all said and done. And I'm only talking to myself.

Collecting all of the light to one sharp point. Isn't that what we're all aiming for? Clear images. A narrow field of view aimed towards the end. Telescopic dreamers. Sentenced to death by the church for such thought. Persecution looks so lovely next to romance. Still loving the way the letters look next to each other, and the way the syllables fall out of your mouth.

If I'm to be painted as a tryptic, summons Hieronymus Bosch and allow him to paint me perfect. Heaven, Hell, and Earth.. I'm a citizen of all. And if you claim to exist otherwise you are merely a citizen of your own delusion.

Banned words, written by legends placed upon house arrest... they have led us into our current place and time. Focus like a mirror, and be concave with your judgment. Don't house heroes.

A simple device and a brilliant mind. That's how close we are to failure, and our future. Science and Religion will always be the balance, but how will we agree upon the measure at the moment of truth?

BetterOffAlone

Jimmy Hoffa's Middle Name Was Riddle... Seriously

The biggest lie of all will be in the following sentence. You. Only, not really. One word doesn't constitute a sentence. Just because it's followed by a period doesn't make it a statement. Right. Replacing periods with question marks and such. Ends are only open ended.

The biggest lie of all is that failure is not an option. It always is. It's how we operate. Placing bets to holding breaths... we can't all be winners.

Disappointed, but not in the knowledge of Santa Claus kind of way. More like the time I found out that it takes a week to make a jelly bean.

Fun facts keep finding me in the middle of conversation. Always presented in the "matter-of-fact" kind of way. Proving points and I'm taking notes. An Octopus' testicles are in it's head. How appropriate. Einstein never wore socks. Brilliant. And check your map to see that the Pacific entrance of the Panama Canal is farther East than the Atlantic entrance. Backwards way of thinking. Literal truth. Me and You. Sid and Nancy.

"Sex is a natural antihistamine," she said without flinching. It's no wonder she never breathes through her mouth.

I'm in love with the whites of my dog's eyes. It lets me know he's looking up to me and it bathes me in responsibility. I hope to wear them one day.

I Wish Everyone Would Be So Nice As To Put Me In A Cab

Pound your palm twice on the rooftop of the cab. Just like the ambulance door. All is closed and ready for shipping.

Been practicing my "I don't cares" in the mirror. I'm not sure if I've even got it yet. I don't even know if I remember my lines anymore. I'll come back to life for you. It's in my nature.

I'm thinking of you now and again, more now though- even when we don't talk. Still looking for some meaning while stretching for some hope or faith. There is nothing but air between us.

I'll take 4-legged friends over parachutes any day. The secret to the biggest hit is a line of self-empowerment right before the chorus. Minds the size of NYC and I need to get out of town.

No one is ever introduced as a liar.. only dismissed. Kerosene and coke to go please... with a side of a bridge to burn. Spit honesty and the sparks will follow to ignite it all.

I'm the get-away car that drove straight into the cul-de-sac. Dead end dreamer. I couldn't die if I tried.

All of my ex's end up on billboards or the big screen. I'm sure you'll be fine(d.)

Now You Say I'm A Bird

Drew x's on the scars today and o's across your fingertips last night. I've been talking to myself a lot lately. Writing words for my eyes only. My last entry to myself read "this world isn't big enough for the one of us."

All of your habits are confusing. More so than the tread from those tire tracks that have intersected our body language.

Yesterday a little bird didn't notice my sliding glass door and was severely hurt. One hard hit and she became a hostage to the wind, flying wherever it blew. I rushed to meet her on the pavement where I found her convulsing... and I swear I heard her whisper "I am hated."

I sat with her for over an hour, wanting to let her know that it wasn't her.. it was just her genetic flaws that wouldn't allow her to decipher reflections from reality. But then I realized neither can I.

Proper burials for hour-long bonds. Learning more from less.